How to

School's been a mix. I'm upbeat and awesome when all my friends are around. They serve as a constant feed of excitement, conversation and entertainment. Welcome distractions. But when I'm alone, I get the feeling I'm doing many, many things wrong. That I have lost something and there's no way of getting it back. Like I'm trying to pick my way through what I thought were shrubs but have turned out to be massive ass raintrees. When it comes to school work, I'm like feeding off something superficial and tiring. But it's not the problem f the modules or my lecturers and tutors, seriously no. They've all been great. However, my own interpretation of what my next action should be, and how the fuck I'm supposed to show myself off in my assignments. I'm still floating about in limbo like I did during my secondary school days, albeit closer to the ground.

And there's that one thing. I get fucking nauseated when I'm in a situation I can't fix. It makes me want to run away. But what I do instead is stand, smile and act like it doesn't bother me that I'm never been so uncertain about someone's distaste for me in my life. I can't fix it.

I wish my happiness and contentment wasn't so shallow. Maybe I'm still in my rut.