It's in your eyes

Have not been very lucid in my everyday life recently. I feel like I'm whizzing through someone else's memories of shopping after school, eating decent dukbokki, spazzing out over cute boys in town and being slave to the internet. All of the above activities, I have done with Zoer because she's just an awesome hang-out buddy and we both conveniently live in the East.

However, in the next breath, I can say that I truly miss my old friends. Just today I committed a pretty bad example of flakiness. I didn't mean to be, but I completely forgot about my dinner plan with Cheryl and that's even after I complained to her about her not wanting to see me anymore because of other pre-occupations. Apart from the contradictions, I also feel really bad at the thought of her going home earlier when she'd planned to eat with me. I really wish I'd kept the plan in mind cos I do regret forgetting and skipping out on this opportunity to see her. It's been weeks, I think...

With this in mind, it seems nonsensical to talk about other happenings in school. What's the point of making new friends and flirting with man, woman, dog and cat if I can't properly take care of people I claim to be extremely precious to me?

It feel as if all the things that make me laugh and smile nowadays are just superficial, ephemeral moments. I feel like I might be content, but at the same time, dissatisfied because I'm content with just being who I am now. And in the next breath, I can be cursing myself for feeling like shit over insignificant worldly things. I'm not new to oxymoronic states of mind. But that doesn't mean that the having them aches me any less.

In some fleeting instances, a song can fill my heart to bursting. And with effect from rolling the windows of my mom's car down. Something anything makes me feel infinite.

If I could use the word "infinite" in any adjective phrase to describe me right now. It'd be "Infinitely Moronic". The word sandwich of this is "Inforonic".